Permission to Change

It’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. 

One of my favorite quotes on the planet earth is by Octavia Butler, the late afrofuturist sci-fi writer, from her book Parable of the Sower. 

It goes like this:

"All that you touch you Change.

 All that you Change Changes you. 

The only lasting truth is Change. 

God Is Change."

If the only lasting truth is change, why does  it feel so difficult to change; and to give ourselves permission to change? 

I’m talking about changing our minds, our opinions, our relationships, our jobs,our direction, our identities. I’m talking about changing anything and everything about ourselves, who we are, and how we choose to live our own precious life.

Perhaps it is because we are afraid that the people who have loved us for who we once were may not love us for who we are now and for who we will become. 

I was a vegetarian for ten years, and now I am not. When I first started eating meat again, I worried that all my vegan and environmentalist friends would judge me for that choice; that they would think I am not good enough or I do not care enough.

I was an avid yoga practitioner for six years and a yoga teacher for three, and now I am not (mostly). When I first gave up the “teacher” role and changed my relationship with yoga, I wondered if people would think that I was not dedicated or enlightened or spiritual enough (or whatever the fuck that means) to stay “on the path;” that I had somehow backpedaled into a lesser version of myself.

I wrote my first EP through the influence of my yoga practice and the insights I gained along the way, but the album I am currently working on is very different. Sure, there are still glimmers of that old version of myself, buried in these songs, if you know where to look, but it just aint the same. This upcoming album is much more honest. I am not trying to hide my feelings behind wise teachings or ancient philosophies. The grief, the anger, the fear, the sadness, and yes, the tiny sparkle of hope, is all there for you to hear, minus the the sugar coating or rose colored glasses.

And, sometimes I wonder if the people who loved loved loved my first EP will love love love my album. But, then I remember that whether or not you love it or hate it is none of my business. All I can do is give myself (and thus my music) permission to change. All I can do is express myself honestly and authentically, because music that does not feel truthful does not feel meaningful to me. 

So, I hope you love this next album, and if you don’t, that's okay too. Permission to change.

This year I am giving myself permission to change. Because the people who matter most will love the person I am now and the person who I am becoming. 

And, I hope you give yourself permission to change too, because life is much harder if you don’t. And as Octavia Butler says, “the only lasting truth is Change. God is Change.” 

You are change. So go ahead and change, baby, change!